Too Fat For Six Flags
June 10, 2022

Apparently old blog posts don't shed the lbs

When I was younger, I took many trips to Six Flags: Magic Mountain. I fell in love with all the roller coasters there. The feeling of exhilaration from getting your body thrown around in ways previously humanly impossible was something that stuck with me for years.

Now that I'm older and my kids are almost ready to take the plunge, I went with a few adult friends for a birthday. We make our way to our first ride: Superman, where you get strapped into an overhead harness and launched out at 100 miles per hour into the air, only to freefall backwards into your starting position. Fun, quick, and easy, what a way to start.

Until we put our harnesses on and clicked our safety belts to them.

Mine didn't click.

It was too short.


An attendant came by, his job to make sure that I'm going to get panini pressed into this ride. He pushed down on the harness and it didn't give, blocked by my assorted guts and bones. He tried pulling up the belt to stretch some extra centimeters to the harness. I think that at one point, he lifted his foot up to push down on the harness, in an attempt to get by tubby bottom on this ride.

It still didn't give enough.


I left the ride so everyone else could have a good time. I though "maybe Superman is the only one like this, due to the ride's construction."

This same situation played out like this on two other rides. Exasperated ride attendants trying to squish me into body cages built for normal-sized pubescent thrill-seekers.

The trip was still fun for everyone involved, but it did get me thinking: "How did this happen to me?" as I polish off a Family Size bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos that I started the same morning. I sat at my desk for hours and wondered, "I didn't used to be always like this, how can I change?"

Surely it wasn't my lack of exercise or terrible diet. It was because I haven't made any sort of update on my weight for the website recently. is a blog, at its heart, so I may as well use it for relatively unimportant personal updates.

So here's my update: My weight is terrible, and I'm going to do something about it. Stay tuned for updates. Maybe.

PS: I am in no way blaming or shaming Six Flags for my experience at their park. I am old and unhealthy-levels of fat. The ride operators that were all trying to shoehorn me into these rides like people trying to put on their sexy jeans were tremendously professional about the whole situation, and did nothing wrong. I hope to visit their park again after some changes, and I'm not talking about having them re-fit their harnesses in Jumbo Size.


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