COVID-19 is out there, and you know what? It's not so bad! Here's why:
- Social distancing has all but eliminated our ability to worship and socialize. You should be as close to your friends as you wish.
- Did you know that masks can make people sick, and are an assault on your personal freedom? They can't even stop an airborne COVID-19 molecule!
- Don't look at COVID-19 case numbers, they're wrong! We've repeatedly been told that tests have been issuing false positives and are not to be trusted.
- Don't look at hospitalization numbers. People are sick from lots of things. Besides, we have plenty of ventilators to take care of the sick. If anyone gets sick enough to need a ventilator, the ventilator will take care of it!
- Don't look at death statistics either. Doctors are calling any death they can COVID-19 so they can get some extra insurance kickbacks. We can't trust them.
- Even if you get COVID-19, there's nothing to worry about. Most cases are asymptomatic! And it only has a less than 1% chance to kill you. Just keep doing you, boo. There's a high chance that nothing permanent will happen to you.
In the end, everything is going to be just fine. This disease is obviously just the news media making a mountain out of a molehill, and it will all blow over on its own. Do me a favor, though, ignore that coughing person over there.
Hopefully yours forever,