You Are Going To Die
March 26, 2022

And other fun ideas to brighten your day

Taylor Hawkins is dead. He was the drummer for the Foo Fighters for over 20 years. As of today, we have no idea how he passed. He was 50 years old.

Richard "Lowtax" Kayanka is dead. He ran what was one of the most successful humor websites for almost 20 years. He took his own life. He was 45 years old.

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As the role models of your "youth" start shuffling loose their mortal coil, it makes you take a moment to take stock in your life. I am 42.

And fat.

Almost the fattest I've ever been.

Unhealthy fat.

"My legs and feet itch all the time" fat.

Not the greatest place to be when you combine it with my age.

...

Fuck.

I only had two grandparents that lived long enough to see a grandchild. While that may seem like bad news genetically, I also apparently came from a long line of chain-smoking, hardworking, hard-partying, life-loving individuals who burnt all their candles at both ends. Maybe they would have lived to 130. We'll never know.

While I may not rock as hard as my storied ancestors did, I'm reflecting on my life and realized that I did something at the ripe old age of 21. I reset everything in my life, from my relationship to my career to my pets to my home. Uprooted it all and lived out of my car for a bit. Drove to Canada. Dropped a printer off a four story parking garage. Rented out a nursery and slept on the floor for awhile while I found myself. This was 21 years ago.

It ... was my midlife crisis? At 21?

...

FUCK.

Hopefully there's still time. I'm going out fighting. If there's one thing I know about my relationship with death, it will never take me alive.

(Although I must admit, wouldn't it be rich if this was the last thing I wrote?)

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